


golden

by shslry



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Lesbian Character, Nonbinary Character, Other, Queer Character, Queer Themes, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Transmisogyny, Transphobia, demigirl gerard, nonbinary frank, transfeminine character, transfeminine gerard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 19:37:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4150272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shslry/pseuds/shslry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank Iero is smiling at Gerard. Frank Iero is on an entirely different level of <em>existence</em> than Gerard—Frank wears shirts that say things like BIG FUCKING LESBIAN, and tattered short shorts that make their ass look great, and a cool mohawk and they have a patch sewn into their jacket that with their pronouns on it, all up-front and in-your-face about their identity, totally fucking unapologetic, while Gerard is still too terrified to even correct people who misgender her.</p><p>//</p><p>aka vaguely related scenes in the lives of gerard and frank, nonbinary teenage lesbians in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	golden

**Author's Note:**

> WHAAAAT OK!!!! so, uh, i very recently realized i'm a lesbian myself, and it was a very long and difficult and scary process but i feel so much better and more comfortable with myself upon having this realization, and obviously as a newly recruited nonbinary lesbian myself, the first thing i had to do was write weird fic where i basically just projected myself/my ideal relationship onto these two
> 
> so in this, gerard is (as usual) transfeminine/a dmab demigirl who uses she/her pronouns, and frank basically identifies as a "nonbinary girl"; they're dfab nonbinary and use they/them pronouns but there's still something inately Feminine/Female about their identity, but they don't really feel like specifying it beyond that. they are both 18 year old lesbians with gross feelings for each other
> 
> trigger warning for transphobia/transmisogyny, internalized transmisogyny (gerard doesn't always feel like Enough of a girl/believes that "cis passing" is an actual thing that makes some people better/their identities more legit than others, though this is mostly just directed at herself), as well as some misgendering. oh also gerard's pretty insecure in this
> 
> i've never really written anything like this before; i hope it's okay

i.

Frank Iero is smiling at Gerard. Frank Iero is on an entirely different level of _existence than Gerard_ —Frank wears shirts that say things like BIG FUCKING LESBIAN, and tattered short shorts that make their ass look great, and a cool mohawk, and they have a patch sewn into their jacket that has their pronouns on it, all up-front and in-your-face about their identity, totally fucking unapologetic, while Gerard is still too terrified to even correct people who misgender her.

Frank is cool, but more importantly Frank is _hot_ , and they could be smiling at any girl in the entire bar right now, but instead they’re smiling at Gerard. “Hi,” Frank says, and bites their lip. “Can I get you a drink? Nothing alcoholic, obviously, because I’m just a baby and you don’t look that old yourself, but, like, a coke or something?” Instead of replying, Gerard just wonders wildly about whether or not this is flirting. Is Frank Iero flirting with her? With _Gerard_? No fucking way.

“Oh, um,” Gerard says, and then punches herself in her head. If Frank _is_ flirting, she’s probably just ruined the entire thing. “Yeah. A coke, I guess, if you wanted.” Punches herself in the _face_.

Frank just nods and flags down the bartender, asking for two cokes before saying, “I’m Frank.”

“I know,” Gerard says, and then realizes how creepy that sounds. “I mean, I’m a fan of yours. I mean, a fan of your band. You’re cute—cool. I mean, you’re cool.” Gerard blinks and wishes she could kill herself by just willing it really hard. Frank just keeps _smiling_.

“Cool,” they say. “You’re Mikey Way’s older sister, right? I think I’ve seen your art around the halls at school and stuff. You’re really good.”

“Oh, um, thanks,” Gerard says, and tries to smile but probably just looks constipated.

The thing is? The thing is, okay, there are _tons_ of cute, queer girls in this bar who would probably die to have Frank talk to them. Cute, queer, _cis_ girls, whereas Gerard knows that on a good day she looks like a teenage boy messing around with his mom’s makeup at _best_ —not that _Frank’s_ cis, but at least they don’t look like someone _crossdressing_ as a _joke_ —but Frank’s not talking to any of those girls right now. Frank’s talking to _Gerard_ , and telling her that they like her art. More than anything Gerard’s just _confused_.

“You’re cute when you blush,” Frank says. _Is this flirting_ , Gerard thinks desperately, _are they flirting_? Is Frank Iero flirting with _Gerard_ , what the fuck. “I mean, wow, that probably came off as creepy, sorry. I’ve just been wanting to ask you out for a while now. Could I, uh, get your number, or give you mine, or something?” Seriously, what the _fuck_. Gerard tries not to appear too desperate when she nods.

ii.

Gerard learns a lot of things about Frank over the next few weeks, including, but not limited to: they really like dogs, they have a lot of opinions on modern day punk, one time they punched someone for misgendering them, they _really like dogs_. Gerard is maybe in love.

Something else Gerard has learned is that Frank likes to text, in fact it may even be their preferred method of communication. They haven’t actually said that, but judging by the way they constantly text Gerard throughout the day—she just wouldn’t be surprised, is all she’s saying.

“And, it’s just, you know, there’s so much bullshit gatekeeping in the lesbian community. I think it’s all the cis radfems, honestly. Like, feminism is cool and important and stuff, but womanhood isn’t defined by vaginas, or uteruses, or ovaries, or breasts, and you aren’t more feminist just because you don’t shave and you make little tacky ass uterus patches that you sell on etsy.” Frank has taken to eating lunch with Gerard during school, which has only opened Gerard up to even more possibilities of learning about Frank. Right now what Gerard is learning about Frank is that they are very opinionated on things like trans exclusionary feminism and cis lesbians and they aren’t afraid to let anyone know it. Gerard is _definitely_ in love. “You know?” Frank says, and Gerard tries not to be too obvious about resting her chin on her hands and gazing adoringly at them.

“Right, yeah, like. You don’t have to be binary to be a lesbian, or use she/her pronouns, or anything. As long as an integral part of your gender identity is female in some way, and you only date feminine identifying people, that’s enough. And what’s up with all the gatekeeping towards girls who are confused about their sexualities, or who feel like they’re still attracted to men, or are concerned that they’re faking it, or whatever? Don’t even get me _started_ on compulsory heterosexuality.” So maybe Gerard is pretty opinionated on certain things too. Frank shoots her a grin.

“ _Exactly_ ,” they say, and then there’s silence for a moment while they both just breathe, and then, out of nowhere, Frank just grabs Gerard’s hand. Just grabs her hand! Like it’s nothing! They look up at Gerard’s face to make sure it’s okay, and then squeeze her hand in theirs a bit, looking around the lunch room like it’s _nothing_ , like they do this every day or some shit. Seriously. Gerard’s _in love_.

iii.

Okay. _Okay_. So Gerard is in love with Frank, it’s not a big deal. She knows Frank at least likes her back a little, considering they now take every chance they can to hold her hand or hug her, and sometimes they even kiss her on the cheek. On the cheek! Gerard’s in love.

She’s not so sure that Frank’s in love, but the knowledge that Frank even likes her at all, the knowledge that Frank, militant lesbian, considers her _girl enough_ to _like_ her, is enough. Mostly. But sometimes—

Sometimes it’s not enough.

“It’s just,” Gerard whispers, and then pauses to gather her thoughts. The sun is setting and they’re laying in the old treehouse in Frank’s backyard, side by side, arms touching. Gerard doesn’t usually talk about this shit, but something about the scenario makes her feel like she can say things she usually wouldn’t. “Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m— _enough_. Feminine enough. _Girl_ enough. I mean, I know what I am, how I identify, and usually that’s enough for me, fuck what everyone else thinks. But sometimes it’s hard, you know, to look in the mirror and see how fucking— _shit_ ,” She swears, and takes a breath. Frank grabs her hand gently. “How fucking masculine I look, not like a girl at all, just like a weird teenage fucking boy messing around with his mom’s makeup as a joke.”

She’s biting her lip; holding back tears. Before this they’d been talking about the weirdest dreams they’d had. Leave it to fucking Gerard to ruin a perfectly good night by getting all weird and weepy. Frank doesn’t need this shit, Gerard thinks. Frank could be lying here in this treehouse with any girl, the fact that they like Gerard is miracle enough. They don’t need to see how much of a freak she can be sometimes.

She chances a glance to the side, just to see that Frank’s head is turned, that they’re staring at her, eyes wide. “Gee,” they say. “ _Gee_. You’re feminine enough. You’re _girl_ enough. You’re perfect, and beautiful, and I’ll fucking fight anyone who makes you feel otherwise. You’re so gorgeous that sometimes I can’t even stand it.” They’re whispering, and staring at Gerard’s lips, and she thinks, this is it. They’re going to _kiss_. And then they do.

It’s so perfect that Gerard forgets for a moment that she’s even upset. Frank’s lips are sort of chapped, and the kiss is really dry, and also a little awkward because of the way they’re craning their necks to reach each other’s faces, but mostly it’s just perfect.

It’s chaste and gentle, close mouthed, and after a few seconds Frank pulls away, blushing heavily. From the way her face and neck feels hot, Gerard knows she’s probably not much better. “I’m really sorry,” Frank says out of nowhere, and there’s this moment that Gerard’s heart just _stops_ , like, does Frank regret it already? Is Frank about to tell her they’ve changed their mind and she’s _not_ enough of a girl for them? But Frank just says, “I should have asked first, I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, I just couldn’t stop myself.” Gerard blinks. Oh.

“It’s okay,” she says, and bites her lip, blushing even more at the way Frank looks at her mouth, wide eyed, as she pulls her bottom lip in. “I’ve, um. I’ve never kissed anyone before.” Gerard regrets it as soon as it leaves her mouth. What if Frank decides she’s too inexperienced for them and doesn’t want to kiss her again?

But Frank just says, “Oh?” in a quiet voice, still staring at Gerard’s mouth, and then, “Do you, uh. Want to do it again?”

This time Gerard initiates it, and it’s even better. They don’t leave the treehouse for a while.

iv.

When Gerard gets back from the bathroom, she finds Frank surrounded by three girls. Three really hot girls.

Frank’s still sweaty from the show, their chest heaving wildly, and it’s immediately clear to Gerard what these girls want. It’s also immediately clear that they’re all a lot prettier and more cis passing than her.

Frank’s just grinning and talking, seemingly totally oblivious to the way the girls are staring at them. They probably are, to be honest; Frank’s not always the most observant of people. They spot Gerard as she slowly makes her way back to them, and yells, entirely too loudly, “Gee!” Their face lights up, and the girls all turn to see who they’re talking to.

The thing is, Gerard isn’t always the most passing of girls _anyway_ , but especially now, after spending the entirety of Frank’s show in the pit, her makeup smeared, the sweat glistening on her skin just making her adam’s apple and broad shoulders stand out even more, and she can just tell that they can _tell_ , if not immediately then as soon as she gets close enough for them make out her features a little better. When Frank pulls her in for a quick kiss, they all fucking blanch. “Oh,” one of them says in a flat voice. The other two have looks of distaste on their faces. Gerard’s heart drops to her knees.

Frank still looks fucking oblivious to what is clearly going on, but as soon as the girl says, “I thought you were a _lesbian_ ,” their face goes fucking blank, but less blank in the _I don’t understand what’s happening_ way, and more blank in the _Think very carefully about what you’re about to say because I may punch you in the face_ way.

“Excuse me?” Frank says, and smiles, something sweet and oh so fake.

“I thought you were a _lesbian_ ,” the girl says again. “You do know that guys in drag don’t count as girls, right?”

Frank is still smiling, but they and Gerard have been together for a few weeks now, have known each other even longer, and Gerard thinks she can tell when her girlfriend is about to blow a fucking gasket. “Sorry, I think you’re confused,” they say. “Gee’s a _girl_ , just because she’s trans doesn’t make her any less of a fucking girl. I’m trans too, and I don’t even use feminine pronouns; if you think of me as feminine enough to be a lesbian, then Gerard is _definitely_ feminine enough to be a lesbian.”

“It’s different, though,” one of the other girls speaks up. “You’re cool. You’re, like, saying fuck you to gender constructs. _She’s_ ,”—the way the girl says it, disgusted and mocking, settles painfully in Gerard’s gut—“just another patriarchal dickhead, trying to invade every last safe space girls have.” Frank is no longer smiling.

“You wanna say that again?” they say, low and dangerous. “You wanna say that again, louder, so that other people can hear you, so that when I punch you in the goddamned face I’ll have witnesses to confirm that you’re a fucking bitch who deserves it?”

Gerard doesn’t like when Frank gets like this, so angry and heated. It makes her uncomfortable, she doesn’t know how to deal with it, doesn’t know how to adequately talk them down from beating the shit out of someone. Gerard doesn’t like it, but she also isn’t going to pretend it’s not at least a _little_ hot. The three girls look horrified and furious, but not nearly mad enough to match Frank’s fury. They don’t even argue further, just walk away, talking loudly about bullshit fake lesbians and even faker women. The look Frank shoots Gerard is pained.

“I’m so sorry, I had no idea that was gonna happen, Gee, I swear. I’m _so_ fucking sorry.” Whatever. Gerard’s pretty used to this shit by now. If she let every transmisogynist bother her, she never would have made it past seventeen.

“It’s fine,” she says. She doesn’t mean to whisper, but that’s how it comes out—quiet and shaken. She feels so detached from the entire situation, she barely even notices when Frank lurches forward to hug her tight, peppering kisses across her face and neck.

“No, Baby, it’s not fine. It’s not. You shouldn’t have to put up with that shit, I’m sorry people are so fucking awful, I swear the next time someone even dares say shit like that, I’ll fucking kill them.” Gerard vaguely notes that she’s shaking her head at Frank.

“No, it’s fine. Don’t do that. What would I do if you went to prison?” She tries to crack a smile, but it feels more like a grimace. Frank just holds her tighter.

v.

Gerard doesn’t mean to say it, is the thing. It’s just, Frank’s got their mouth around her dick, all wet, tight heat. Earlier they’d discovered this one spot, just under the tip of her cock, more sensitive than the rest, and they’ve been exploiting the knowledge ever since, licking it over and over, rubbing their thumb against it every now and then. Gerard honestly doesn’t even think about it when she says, “Fuck, Frankie, I love you,” voice dangerously close to sobbing. At least, she doesn’t think about it till Frank _stops_.

“Oh, fuck,” Gerard whispers to herself, eyes widening. She’s probably just scared Frank away now, they’re probably gonna leave her like this, hard and desperate, and never come back because she fucked it all up because she said those words too soon, like a creepy, desperate freak. They’ve only been dating for four months, for god’s sake, that’s not long enough, Gerard’s just fucked this up so bad, Jesus Christ—

“Oh, hey,” Frank says, and then, “I love you too!” They grin and then go back to sucking Gerard off, swallowing her down as far as they can go, using their hand to stroke the rest of her.

Gerard doesn’t last long after that. How could she? She’s _in love_.

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like this feels sort of incomplete but i'm not really sure how it's incomplete and i'm literally captain bailout so i'm posting it anyway. title from the song golden by travie mccoy/sia, which i have been listening to nonstop since it came out. i'm honestly in love with travie, i know i just said that i'm officially a lesbian but just disregard that for a moment because travie and i are meant to be, for real


End file.
